When patience runs thin

It has been raining all day in St. George today & the weather seems to match my mood.
I am so sick of "adults" telling everyone to enjoy being a young single adult and referring to us as if our lives are perfect and we have no problems, just because we aren't married.

I realize that life is going to get harder once I'm married. and then even harder once I have kids. But at the same time, just because I am a 20 year old young single adult does not mean I have no feelings, problems, or struggles in life.

Speaking for all young single adults, more specifically ones in the LDS world- it gets really annoying to hear about how easy our lives are. Yet we are constantly being told that this is the most important time in our lives and we need to get married to the right person. And we are constantly being told that it is the biggest decision we will ever make (I agree) and not to screw it up. Not to mention the fact that if you are an LDS girl who makes it to 24 years old, people start wondering what's the matter with you. And in the meantime, all of your friends are happily getting married to the man of their dreams, graduating from college, and moving on with their lives. While I am still here, trying to figure it all out. These are only eternal decisions that affect the rest of my life. No stress, right?

And while I'm complaining, I miss high school, and last summer. Right now I live with the two MOST antisocial girls in the world...or in other words, I live by myself. My best friend lives in Provo. My home is in Idaho. And I am here, just going to school. and trying to figure things out. still. Patience is one of those lessons that you just have to learn by experience, and most days it is something that I have to focus on. Today I'm not doing too well.

I just have one more thing to get out. When I am a mother, I will not be rude or ignorant to people that my children date. I will do my best to realize that everyone is human & no one is perfect, no matter how much I want my kids to find someone that is perfect in every way- that is never going to happen. Being rude to them only makes matters worse and it does not help the situation at all. I know I know, I don't understand the whole "protective mother" thing because I am not a mother yet. However, don't you think if you REALLY loved your child, you would learn to get out of the way so they could live their life and learn from it? Just like you had the option to do when you were young?  Just a thought. And if that isn't enough, whoever your son or daughter is marrying(Or even DATING for that matter. They don't have to be married to have feelings) is A PERSON. with feelings. and hopes. and dreams. and everything else. . So they should be treated as such, rather than just some observer at the dinner table when they make the effort to come to your house for dinner. Because trust me, they aren't coming for the food...so be nice.

Sheesh.

Ok just had to get that out. I'm done. Tomorrow will be better.

Addictions

Addiction: has been defined as physical and psychological dependence on psychoactive substances; can also be viewed as a continued involvement with a substance or activity despite the negative consequences associated with it. Pleasure and enjoyment would have originally been sought; however, over a period of time involvement with the substance or activity is needed to feel normal.[1] Psychologic professionals now mean 'addiction' to include abnormal psychological dependency on such things as gambling, food, sex, pornography, computers, internet, work, exercise, idolizing, watching TV or certain types of non-pornographic videos, spiritual obsession, self-injury and shopping.


Lately I have been thinking quite a bit about the word "addiction". In our world it has such a terrible connotation.  When people hear the word, they instantly shrink back & picture someone smoking a cigarette or any other variety of "taboo" things that we were taught as childrent to avoid.
It's been a topic that I keep hearing about church firesides & other events, and whenever they discuss it I never really think it applies that much to me.
But then the other day my friend challenged me. He made a bet with me that I wouldn't be able to resist my "addiction" to simply check facebook for 4 whole days. If I go without facebook for 4 days, he will go without drinking mountain dew for a week. Whoever breaks first...loses. And owes the other person a smoothie (better yet, a pizza factory smoothie, which= heavenly goodness.)
I hate to admit this, but it has been harder than I imagined. Whether that's due to the fact that I'm not "allowed" to check facebook or that I have an addiction I'd rather not say. I'd like to think it's a mix of both.

Regardless, the whole challenge has put me into my thinking mood. It's interesting that something I do for a small period of time every day...has become such a habit. And that habit has almost become an addiction.
More interesting to think about is that I thought I had complete control over my said "habit", but when challenged to go without it- it has been somewhat of struggle. And I didn't even REALIZE it.

I'm not saying anything about the dangers of facebook. But, I do wonder how many people try to go a period of time without something that they are so used to having in their life. How many people let habits become addictions.  When you have an addiction- you are no longer in control. You relinquish your self control to something or someone else, usually without even realizing it in the process.

So I guess when I think about it- I really think all of us probably have an addiction of some sort. Possibly that we haven't even noticed. Granted,  some addictions are more detrimental than others. Yet in every addiction, self control is simply tossed into the wind & willingly given away.

The whole "facebook challenge" has given me a new perspective on addictions and I'd just like to say: "Hi, my name is Christina Clark & I had a problem with checking facebook. I've been clean for 4 whole days."
And I am going to drink a delicious pizza factory smoothie this week. :)

Miss Dixie Pageant

I know I know...Christina? Did a pageant? Who would have thought! Well yes, I did. And honestly, I loved it! I never knew that pageants were so much work, but I learned so much from being in the Miss Dixie Pageant this year. The main reason I had decided to do it was because it's something I had never done before & was totally out of my comfort zone. At the beginning I thought being on stage would be scary & that I would have to act like I wasn't nervous. But in reality, I loved every minute of it & it was so fun to have an audience & judges to show all my hard work off to! It definately turned out to be a good new life experience & in my opinion every girl should try at least one pageant in her life- just for all of the great stuff that it teaches you about yourself & being a woman. Another great thing I learned is that there are always going to be people better & worse than you....so it really doesn't matter what everyone else thinks. The most important person's opinion in my life is the girl looking back at me from the mirror. At the end of the day that's really all that matters.

 Here are just some pics from the night of the pageant.

Just me & some of the other girls in our dressing room before our opening number.

 Isn't my baby niece so adorable? I guess technically she isn't a baby anymore...but we still call her that anyway. She came to see the pageant & it was so fun to see her in the audience. Afterwards when my friends/family came up she jumped into my arms....only because she wanted to play with my sparkly earrings & dress haha. Already she is such a girly girl. ;)

I literally have THE best friends & family...they all made matching shirts that say "I Love Lucy", so I basically had my own fan section that I could hear from the dressing rooms. They are great. :)

April probably put as much work into the pageant as I did. She helped sew/alter 2 dresses, did my makeup that night while I was on the verge of a meltdown, and even videoed the whole pageant so I could see it too. She is definately one of my best friends down here  & I am so lucky to have her as my sis. :)

Eat. Run. Sleep. Repeat.

In the past 11 hours I have ran 10 miles. Last night I dreamt about running. This morning I rolled out of bed at 5:30 am...to go running. I am about to eat  a big breakfast, so later I can go running. Needless to say, I am beginning to feel like running is taking over my life. When I decided to do cross country for Dixie State this year I had no idea what I was getting myself into!
It is painful, discouraging, and hard. But then there are those mornings when it is beautiful, encouraging, and rewarding. That's what keeps me waking up day after day.
Running in the morning is great because you know you are one of the few people awake at such an hour. Not only that, but you're also one of the even fewer people awake and being so productive.
There's nothing like your shoes hitting the pavement while it's still dark outside, only to keep on running until the sun rises. To keep running while more cars show up on the road. More people groggily roll out of bed. More people are headed to work, to starbucks, McDonald's... And YOU are still running.
Honestly, cross country is a love-hate relationship but it's the great days that make all the terrible ones worth the pain.
Because how rewarding would the good days be if it weren't for the bad ones? That's what you have to focus on because otherwise no one would get anywhere. You almost have to make your brain forget about the day before and focus on the present. That is something I love about running, it pulls you into the present whether you like it or not. And at the end of the day, all that really matters is that you just keep going.

"Every morning in Africa a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must move faster than the lion or it will not survive. Every morning a lion wakes up and it knows it must move faster than the slowest gazelle or it will starve. It doesn't matter if you are the lion or the gazelle, when the sun comes up, you better be moving."
 - Maurice Greene

Find your passion

This is probably the only time I will ever say this but - it's important to be drunk.

"You have to be always drunk. That's all there is to it—it's the only way. So as not to feel the horrible burden of time that breaks your back and bends you to the earth, you have to be continually drunk.
But on what? Wine, poetry or virtue, as you wish. But be drunk.

And if sometimes, on the steps of a palace or the green grass of a ditch, in the mournful solitude of your room, you wake again, drunkenness already diminishing or gone, ask the wind, the wave, the star, the bird, the clock, everything that is flying, everything that is groaning, everything that is rolling, everything that is singing, everything that is speaking. . .ask what time it is and wind, wave, star, bird, clock will answer you: "It is time to be drunk! So as not to be the martyred slaves of time, be drunk, be continually drunk! On wine, on poetry or on virtue as you wish."  -Charles Baudelaire

pas·sion (pshn): n. 1. A powerful emotion, such as love, joy, hatred, or anger.  2.Ardent love. 3. Boundless enthusiasm.

It has been said that passion is more potent than magic. Passion is crazy, loving, and intoxicating. It is obsession, infatuation, and serenity all blended together. Passion leaves no time for hesitation, for it is driven by emotion. It is the foundation of joy, the base of happiness. To find your passion is to live. If you have lost your passion, find it...when you do you will find yourself.

Life it too short to just go through the motions and not enjoy it. Easier said than done, I know- but it's worth a shot to at least try, right? Pain is inevitable, but suffering is not. There are too many painful experiences in life to not have a passion. Maybe sometimes pain is something meant to throw us back into a world of feeling and passion, because it's better to feel something than nothing. Being alive and living are two very different things, and passion plays a key role in which side of the fence we are on. 
It is time to be drunk.

Zumba

This week I did something I never thought I would do as a college student- I bought a membership to a city gym. And I don't regret it one single bit. I think I'm addicted.
At the beginning of spring semester I discovered a wonderful thing called zumba. The lady that teaches at the college for free is amazing & she teaches at my city gym. I think she is my hero of the month.
Zumba is good for my soul. I find myself dancing & not really caring what other people think. I love to just feel the music. It is simply magical. It makes me want to do better. to be better. I want to do hard things.
It inspires me. and fills my head with all sort of new goals & aspirations.
I think it would be so cool to learn how to inspire people the way that she does.
 My new goal is to find a way to somehow do that in my lifetime.

Look at you. You’re young. And you’re scared. 
Why are you so scared? Stop being paralyzed. Stop swallowing your words. Stop caring what other people think.
Wear what you want. Say what you want. Listen to the music you want to listen to. Play it loud and dance to it.
Go out for a drive at midnight and forget that you have school the next day. Stop waiting for Friday.
Live now.
Do it now.
Take risks. Tell secrets.
This life is yours.
When are you going to realize that you can do whatever you want?”